A simple trip to the store…

I am blessed to have friends who offer to shop for me. I love them. It still makes me feel guilty that I need people to shop for me. So, to assuage my guilt, let’s look at what it takes to go buy groceries.

1. Need to shower. This means getting upright, which often requires a pep talk. Let’s go. You can do this. It’s just getting up. You used to do it without even thinking about it. Stand up. Come on. That’s it. Good. NO, don’t sit back down. Good. Okay. Step 1 is complete.

2. Walk to shower. If the thought of this made me sit back down, we must go back to repeat Step 1. If not, give myself a little cheer, “yay for walking upright!”

3. Look in bathroom mirror to determine if I really need to wash my hair. Yup. ICK. Definitely need to wash my hair. Hey, while we’re on the topic, when’s the last time you cut or styled that mop?

4. Get into shower. Oh look there’s my shower chair. Best. Invention. Ever. Wait, am I really so pathetic that I can’t even stand for the time it takes me to shower? Good Lord, Woman, you are 50 not 90! I bet a lot of 90-year-olds don’t even sit in their showers. Shut up. I am sitting so I will have the energy to get through shopping. Sit. Wash. Feel pretty good.

5. I love my towel. It’s big. I mean really big. It’s soft. AND it’s purple. Mmmmm, it feels so good to be clean. Why do I make such a big deal about how much energy it takes to shower?

6. Walk back to bedroom and sit down. Figure out what is clean to wear.

7. Dry hair vigorously with towel. Less vigorously. Man… I feel… tired.

8. Go to sleep.

9. Wake up. WHAT TIME IS IT? I was supposed to go to the store! What is wrong with me? I can’t even get to the store to buy groceries???? Oh yeah, I’m sick.

10. Slowly get dressed. Bending over is usually painful. So do this with as little bending as possible. Do it seated, because if not, you may need another nap.

11. Walk downstairs and marvel at how messy your house is. Don’t those kids ever clean?

12. Do not stop to marvel or you may sit down, further delaying your trip to the store. Keep walking directly to the car. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

13. Park as close as possible (thank you handicapped parking). Get an electric cart because this will take more than 5 minutes.

14. Shop… talk to friends who are also shopping, unless it’s 2 AM and you are shopping because you didn’t wake up in time (see Step 9).

15. Load groceries into car.

16. Sit in car and marvel that you are now completely exhausted, again.

17. Drive home and park the car.

18. Honk and beg children to unload the car and put away the groceries, which they almost always do.

19. Go take a nap.

I remember when going to the store was done without thought… just hey, stop at the store and pick up a few groceries. That was nice, but that was life BD (before diagnosis).

Let’s not even talk about making dinner…