Footprints on my heart…

Lately I have not felt that I have had anything to say that would be of interest to others. I have not posted for quite some time. When I came today and saw comments that were so kind, it got me thinking. I have told my friends and myself that we never can really know whose lives we have touched or how. We go around and live our lives, make our own decisions, but everything is like a pebble in the water, our ripples never ending. Somehow though, I seem to forget that… I’ll try to give myself more credit. Thank you for reminding me.

When I was young (many moons ago), there was a popular quotation that went like this: “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.” It’s by Flavia Weedn, a person I’ve never met and whose name sounds straight out of Harry Potter to me. Over the years, I’ve seen the truth of these words.

I am blessed to live in a community that extends me care in many large and small ways. I have people in my life that have helped me through so much. Old friends and new, who often have no idea how much their presence has influenced me. I have teachers, co-workers (before I got sick) and acquaintances who have all changed me.

I catch myself sometimes, feeling sorry for myself or doubting myself. I think how lucky my married friends are to have someone who really cares how their day has gone or if the kids remembered Mother’s Day (they are only kids and even though I reminded them, I refuse to take it personally that they still forgot, and I will keep repeating that until I believe it). I wonder why G-d has not brought me that kind of love. Until I remember, I am surrounded by love. Every person who has said or thought kind things about me, every person who made or bought me a meal, every person who has said a prayer for me… this IS that kind of love, even though it isn’t embodied in someone to sleep next to or hold my hand (gently because those joints are so sore all the time). My kids were created in love and truly were answers to my prayers, even if they can’t seem to remember one day a year (okay, two, I also demand attention on my birthday).

RA generally sucks, but I can say it has given me blessings, too. I have time to notice the sunrise (as I am awake from pain-somnia). I have time to smell the flowers, even if I can’t get on my knees any more to plant them. I have compassion for the pain of others, emotional or physical. All pain is hard. Every day I laugh and find things to smile about. Life is good. Life is special.

Thanks for coming and reading what I have to say. I will try to be more aware that each word touches others and leaves a tiny footprint behind.